Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
