I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
