So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
