I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
