new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
