just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
