Can i not drive my cunt home
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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