I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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