all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
