So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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