you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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