Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
