oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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