I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
