similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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