I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
