I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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