The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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