we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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