My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
