and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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