Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
