it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
