Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize