yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Hippo gnu deer
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
