True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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