I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
