In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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