He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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