In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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