Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
