I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she told me i tasted like america
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
As shirtless as possible
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
