Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
