dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
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