New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
