so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
