watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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