Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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