Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize