Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
