I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
