i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
