y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
