idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
