We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just google imaged poop.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
