I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This baby is an asshole
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize