Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
