I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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