tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
