Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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