So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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