Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
