Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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