just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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