last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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