my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
