i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
