she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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