Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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