you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
